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Playoffs Bingo: Evansville

Have you ever been to Evansville, Indiana? I have! I remember the venue, which was pretty kickin’. I remember the the skating surface they had laid down kept coming apart. (This was like 7 years ago you know.) And there were clowns. As entertainment. Actual clowns. I hope, for your sake, that they have re-considered this entertainment option.

The only thing that I know about Evansville is that they’re famous for serving brain sandwiches in many of their dining establishments. It used to be cow brain, but these days, pig brain is the thing.

Yep!

Along those lines, I will warn any vegetarians who are attending: avoid Amish buffets. Or any buffets, really. Assume that everything that can be cooked in lard, is.

And with that, I give you this weekend’s DERBY/BINGO cards.

(I attempted a 25-clue board, but it was going to take waaaaaaay too much time, sorry peeps.)

Evansville AT HOME

Playing at home? PROVE IT. Send me tweets.

Evansville LIVE

Playing at the venue? Have lots of fun!

 

 

 

 

We all have needs. As roller derby people, our needs are simple: food, water, a smooth skating surface, stretchy pants, and funny t-shirts.

Almost two years ago (!?!) we talked with Bashonista about her company, Left Turn Clothing. Her goal then was to make unique athletic wear from quality fabrics, and naturally, to take the roller derby world by storm. Guess what? She kind of did. Left Turn Clothing made a splash at RollerCon 2014. They even sponsored a Left Turn Clothing team against and Atom Wheels team.

(BTW, since people ask all the time, that’s Bash on the cover of Roller Derby for Beginners.  Not me. I was super pregnant at the time the photo was taken. Upswept Creative, derby-owned by Shaolin Spocker, arranged  everything, and it obviously turned out gorgeous due to the talent in front of and behind the lens!)

I asked Bash to fill us in on all these crazy changes since the last time we talked.

ltc3

Frisky: Last time we talked, you were making uniforms and paying your helpers in sandwiches. What’s changed since November 2012?

Bash: A lot has changed since then! I’ve hired a seamstress to help me sew – her name is Elicia and the only things more majestic than her sewing skills are her long red hair and hilarious New Zealand accent. I’ve also hired a web designer to get www.leftturnclothing.com off the ground – because there was NO way I was going to be able to do that myself! I’m still making uniforms, but have also launched my own line of compression pants and shorts featuring fancy sublimated images of peacocks, unicorns and other magnificent creatures. In the midst of building the business up over a pretty short period of time, we probably also went a little crazy. Our line of shirts that had “Turn Left For What?”, “Bro do you even skate?” and “DON’T ask me about roller derby” (aka the Spring Break Collection) were conceived in a moment of complete sleep deprivation, but people seemed to love them! Maybe we should make sleep deprivation part of our creative process more often?
You seemed to make a splash at RollerCon with your t-shirts and skate pants. How can people get their hands on items that were sold out?
On our fancy new website – www.leftturnclothing.com. We’ve restocked the Spring Break shirts and hope to have the pants ready by the beginning of October. We still have a select few hats and fanny packs left over from Rollercon, but we made approximately 1000 different types, so once we figure out how to not blow up our website by posting them, people will see them!
ltc4
How did Team Left Turn Clothing fare at RollerCon?
We won! Our bout against Team Atom was amazing. Team Left Turn was made up of some of the greatest skaters in the world, who just happen to be some of the greatest people I know. There was a point in the bout when I was coming off the track, and looked at the bench filled with these amazing people, and was almost brought to tears. Seeing my company represented by such strong athletes made all the long days and sleepless nights worth it. It was the highlight of RollerCon, and one of the proudest moments of my career.
ltc2
Anything else we should know about?
As derby winds down for the year, we tend to wind up. We have really beefed up the uniforms side of our business, and more teams are looking to us for sublimated uniforms, helmet covers, armbands and pants. If your team wants to look as boss as the Wheels of Justice, Bridgetown Menace or Derby Liberation Front, get in touch with us now (before all those other guys do). This year is going to be big for us. We have a new online store and an amazing new production house we’re working out of, so the only way is up! But we’re not likely to stop making ridiculous jokes at people’s expenses, ESPECIALLY Rat City coach Ho Chi Danh.
**
Thanks Bash! Please never stop making your sleep-deprived joke shirts. The world needs them.
ltc1

 

All photos courtesy of LTC including this one of Scald Eagle. Thank you LTC/you’re welcome, world.

 

DNN is no more.

“What?! In the middle of playoffs? Right after they unveiled a new website?”

Yeah, it’s sad, a little shocking, and kind of weird. A lot of us in the roller derby community really depended on them for coverage of our sport, and the fact that they’re closing up shop is going to leave a big hole.

“WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME?”

This is what they say. I get it. It takes a lot of time and energy to produce the amount that they were expected to produce, but there was probably not a lot of money to be made.

“Noooooo they got donations! I thought about giving money once. And they had ads! They just cashed out, the jerks!”

Just because money is coming in to a business doesn’t mean that the business is making money hand over fist. Why would they lie about this? If it was super profitable, it would have been sold or changed hands or whatever.

“Why right now though?”

Welllllll, they were a little peeved about WFTDA recently, so that couldn’t have helped. But burnout is burnout.

“WHAT DID WFTDA DO THIS TIME?”

Depends who you ask.

“I WANT FREE NEWS WHO DO I BERATE ON THE INTERNET?”

How about…no one? Sorry, I know berating can be super satisfying.

“What ACTUALLY happened?”

Hard to know. Maybe it’s best just to take the different parties at their word. The principal parties of DNN decided that it wasn’t worth it to continue. Whether flying around covering tournaments, answering angry emails about why they weren’t doing more, or fighting with WFTDA, they’re tired and they’re not gonna take it anymore. It’s safe to say that there was probably miscommunication, hurt feelings, human people trying their best, and human people making mistakes on both/many sides.

“UGH I’m so mad at WFTDA how do I deal with this angeerrrrr”

If you’re a WFTDA member, and you’re upset by anything that went down, talk to your league rep. You might feel better with more information. You might feel worse, but you can ask them to do something about it. I know it’s a pain in the ass to be an active participant in a democracy (seriously, do you think I voted on any of the rule changes I got annoyed about later? noooope), but that’s the only way you’re going to see any changes. If you want changes.

“UGH I’m so mad at DNN how do I deal with this raaaaaage”

Go skate it out or pet a kitten. You were getting a free service which no longer exists. It’s a bummer, and maybe you don’t like how it went down, but it went down, and there ya go.

“How do I get my news now?”

Check Flat Track Stats?

There’s gonna be a big gap. Who’s going to step in to fill it? I’m a roller derby blogger, but I don’t have whole weekends to give to cover tournaments. Something about a baby and a husband who works a lot of weekends.

This is derby. We create our own solutions. We support each other, or we GTFO. We complain over beers or frozen yogurt, and then we 1) go do something about it, or 2) shut up and keep skating because goddamn there’s only so much one person can do.

I know this much: Roller derby deserves the type of coverage that it was getting from DNN. We need someone/some people to step up.

We need a solution.

Who’s got one?

 

THIS is DNN

DNN in olden times: Derby in Dairyland, 2008. Photo by Jon K. via Flickr Creative Commons.

 

(BTW, I have my own opinions and friends and frustrations with the whole thing. I’m not trying to dismiss anyone’s feelings, just to bring some perspective. I think I have to REVISE MY DAMN BOOK which means I have to lay it out again, which makes me cry inside a little bit. Ugh, indeed.)

 

WFTDA Playoffs Bingo

You got your bracket*,  your flat track stats, and maybe/sometimes your Rinxter. Perhaps you have a beer. You, friend, are ready to spectate the hell out of some roller derby.

Thinking of attending playoffs in Sacramento gives me a flashback hangover to 2010. You know, Scylla won Best Blocker at the Rose City Rollers year-end BBQ last weekend, but she is always the winner of the Most Likely to Apparently Put You to Bed After Too Much Whiskey and Barely Even Mention It Ever Again. We salute you for this, Syclla Devourer. (This is like the only time in my life anyone has had to do this for me, I swear, Mom and Dad.) Holy hell, was that a great tournament. Rose City may have lost, but Rocky Mountain beat Oly for the first time, including that famous “Urrkin Jerrkin goes postal” jam.

OKAY ANYWAY watching is going to be super fun without any extra shenanigans, but if enjoy such things, read on.

This game is kind of like BINGO, but not quite. Let’s call it DERBY.**

DERBY cards are more fun than BINGO, because the four corners are all things that you have to do, instead of things you’ll just observe.

The center is virtually free.

 

derby at home

Watching at home on your laptop or TV or your friend’s laptop or taking peeks and alt-tabbing away when your boss comes around at work? Me too! For better or worse, I’m my own boss. There’s also the small matter of a baby who requires 24-hour care. If you’re playing at home, watch out for FEED OUTAGES and common post-game interview tropes.

derby template

Are you going to Sacramento? You lucky jerk. Have lots of fun! Naturally, we’re going to expect a little bit more out of you in the shenanigans department. (If Quadzilla is not in attendance, you may wink at Suzy Hotrod.)

 

OKAY! Have so much fun this weekend, wherever you are! What do you expect to see out of this first playoff weekend?

 

* There seems to be no bracket contest this year. That could change at the last minute, but if you guys really like DERBY I could make it into a contest for the rest of Playoffs. Lemme know what you think.

** I know that there should really be five columns for each letter, but hey, lay off, I just like fun.

Welcome once again to the Frisky Power Rankings, where I rank women’s flat track roller derby according to my whims/in-depth knowledge.

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIIIIIME OF THE YEAAAAR

Division One Playoffs are just around the corner, everyone! Next weekend!

This is really when teams have to show their power. There will probably be surprises. One would hope so, anyway. I hope to look really stupid this time next month due to lots of awesome surprises.

  1. Gotham. Let’s be real: They’re not going to get a challenge until November.
  2. Bay Area Derby. Beat Texas and Denver in late July. Yep.
  3. Texas. Didn’t exactly blow out Atlanta, but we can call it “decisive” I think.
  4. Everyone else.
  5. Rose City. If they do really well at playoffs, I’m boosting them up to the top tier there. I’m doing it!
  6. A whole game on WFTDA.tv without an outage. Ahhh, feels so good!
  7. Angel City. Have they really never played Texas? Let’s fix this.
  8. Windy City. Beat Minnesota! And Minny is really good right now!
  9. Minnesota.A loss to Windy on neutral ground is gonna dip you a few places, but this is a tight group here. Nothing to be ashamed of, ladies.
  10. London. Have they really never played BAD? Let’s fix this.
  11. Denver. We only have to wait a week to see how they stack up against Minnesota (yaaaay)
  12. Apple pie ala mode. Yes, ice cream is still on the list, but now it has a buddy.
  13. Victoria. We have to wait a month to see how they stack up against…everyone. International rankings are volatile, but teams outside the U.S. are exceeding expecations this year.
  14. Teams from outside the U.S. Let’s give ‘em a hand! Bear City! Rideau Valley!
  15. Philly. Philly gets a little playoffs bump because I have a feeling they’ll rise to the occasion.
  16. Atlanta. Holding Texas to 160 points is no small feat.
  17. Rocky Mountain. They’re playing the Portland Dudes this weekend. “Do you want us to come to Portland?” “NO!” cried many bearded men at once. “We don’t mind! We’ll go to you! Nooooo problem!” Anyways, I hope Rocky wins. No offense, dudes.
  18. Jacksonville. No action this month. Standing pat.
  19. Charm City. Beat Montreal, lost to Philly. Sounds about right.
  20. Rat City. Remember what I said last month? Yep.

 

What do you think? Please tell me all of your opinions. I don’t get out much anymore, and I need to dish via the internet.

ARE YOU EXCITED?

I’m going to need a little bit more enthusiasm than that.

Getting closer.

YEAH IT IS.

Hi internet.

You guys know that I wrote a book called Roller Derby for Beginners, right? I hope so. I wrote it because when people start roller derby, they get very overwhelmed. With information. With lack of information. With the decisions that go along with buying gear. With injuries. With emotion. With excitement. It’s an overwhelming time.

I am here to cool out the roller derby beginner. There, there. It’s going to be fine. This is hard. Enjoy it while you can. Be careful. Stop beating yourself up. Take it one day at a time.

Etc., etc.

I know that not all of you beginning or wannabe or potential wannabe types aren’t going to buy the book. My budget is tight enough that I can’t spend $14.95 on a book right now. I feel you. But if you’re going to start roller derby for real, I guarantee you that Roller Derby for Beginners will save you AT LEAST that much on ill-fitting skates and cheap pads. Cheap knee pads are not worth it. There’s free advice.

Roller derby beginners of the internet: what do you want to know about? What would you like to read here?

I have a whole page of entries for newbies, in case you’d like to peruse that. What’s missing? Let us know in the comments, won’t you?

And while I have you here:

  • This is hard.
  • It is worth it.
  • It will take a long time to get good.
  • It’s not just you.
  • You smell terrible, but we love you anyway.
Photo by Masonite Burn via Flickr Creative Commons.

Photo by Masonite Burn via Flickr Creative Commons.

Someday, if you work hard enough, you’ll have a famous jammer score on you in a bout, too! (Many times over.)

Some day,

 

Before we had the internet, if you wanted to see some cute baby animals, you had to go find some. Or, if you’re my age, you could go to the poster store at the mall and flip through the animal section. How many of us have been bolstered by kittens emploring us to “hang in there“?

THANK GOD we have the internet now, because we can look at puppies and kitties whenever we want.

I don’t know about you, I get a little tired of those pictures with inspirational quotes over them. “It’s not how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up again.” Maybe I feel like enjoying some floor time. I’ll get back up eventually.

Hang in there, friends. Get back up so you can look at cute dogs.

 

Photo via Flickr by joysaphine

Photo by Flickr user joysaphine

 

Photo by Flickr user XA55Y

Photo by Flickr user XA55Y

Photo by Daniel Stockman on Flickr

Photo by Flickr user Daniel Stockman

Photo via Canine to Five on Flickr

Photo by Flickr user Canine to Five

This last one is for my Rose City Rollers to remember during grueling summer endurance practices.

Photo by Flickr user PKub

Photo by Flickr user PKub

If you want to make your own, obviously we want to see that.

Welcome once again to the Frisky Power Rankings, where I rank women’s flat track roller derby according to my whims/in-depth knowledge.

  1. Gotham. How cute was it with all those people at the London game gushing over Gotham? They are amazing, I know! I’m sorry you had to wait that long to see it in person!
  2. Ice cream. Not number one because sometimes you’re trying to scoop some out of the carton and it goes flying on to the front of your cute dress (not that this happened to me yesterday or anything).
  3. Bay Area Derby. We don’t out TOO much stock in RollerCon results, but looking good.
  4. Texas. Drop below BAD. They beat Denver by a little. BAD beat Denver by a lot.
  5. Everyone else.
  6. Rose City. Oh, nothing, just bopped on down to L.A. and beat Angel City and Minnesota. Is that hard? (Checks fingernails, whistles)
  7. Minnesota. Beat Angel on their own turf! Ladies! I am impressed!
  8. Angel City. Damn, those were some close and fun games. More like that, please.
  9. London. Came up against a machine called Gotham, did about as well as most would expect.
  10. Denver. Once again, we don’t put too much stock in RollerCon results, but they beat the teams they were supposed to beat.
  11. Windy City. Beat Montreal. Cool.
  12. Victoria. No games in July, but we won’t blame them for that. They’re kind of far away.
  13. Actual mountains. Ah, crisp air! Deep blue lakes! Let’s go camping, guys.
  14. Rocky Mountain. Maybe looking a little sharper? Good time of the year to start moving toward your peak, if so.
  15. Philly. No games in July, but we won’t blame them for that. ECDX is Kind of a Big Deal.
  16. Atlanta. Solid result against Naptown, yep yep, this all checks out.
  17. Jacksonville. Beating other Florida teams, yep, you bet.
  18. Charm City. Wins over Suburbia and Toronto, okay, that’s cool, I gotcha.
  19. Rat City. I was going to say some mean stuff about how Rose is going to beat them soooo bad later this month but maybe I’ll just do a virtual handshake and say may the best team win. I’m from Portland; I have Feelings about Seattle.
  20. Terminal City. Okay, next month it might be Montreal or Ohio, so keep up the good work.

Oly is off the list for not going to a WFTDA tournament. No tournament, no power.

AAAHH ONLY ONE MORE MONTH UNTIL TOURNAMENT SEASON STARTS

What do you think?

**
Hey, internet buddy! Please consider giving some power to Team L0bster by joining the team, rocking the t-shirt, or getting a necklace. I mean, it won’t turn you into Mutch Mayhem or Scald Eagle, but at least you’ll look good.

Photo by Regularman

Team Lobster! Photo by Regularman

Screw you, cancer, seriously.

RollerCon looks amazing, but there are lots of other fun and exciting and fulfilling things to do. (Related: Retiring from roller derby.)

What did I do while RollerCon was happening? Well, nothing too out of the ordinary. Mr. Sour was out of town for work, so I spent a lot of time at the park, narrating everything out loud repetitively, trying to avoid major head bonks, etc. Here’s a sleep-deprived selfie for you. (Baby Sour is TOO CUTE FOR THE INTERNET so you’ll just have to imagine him looking mildly confused.)

photo (6)

 

Other people who had fun at NOT RollerCon

Draggin Lady, aka Nami, aka the person who makes Rose City events so awesome, went camping and ziplining. She may have been a little nervous about it.

rollerfun6

Spocker (Rose City ya’ll) wasn’t at RollerCon or ComicCon, but she dressed up as Dazzler for a party anyway. And looking fiii-oine, too.

spocker!

Shenghis Khan and Mary Prankster from BAD just went ahead and hung out at the pool at home (and got lots of texts from their buddies at RollerCon, whatareyougonnado).

rollerfun2

Absolutely Scabulous from Santa Cruz was planning on going to RollerCon, but decided to do this four day, three night solo hike in the Sierras instead. 

rollerfun4'

These Minnesota Rollergals went to a mixer, hung out with a cute dog (one big plus over RollerCon), and played at the park.

nonrollerconfun

@sithlet and John Maddening were doing…this. I think it’s some kind of computerated game.

rollerfun5

And the winner is…Absolutely Scabulous! Expect an email in your future.

I mean, look at this, are you kidding me, the whole thing is awe-inspiring.

rollerfun3

I think I need to get up to some mountain lakes ASAP.

*

Thanks to everyone who entered!

Did you skip RollerCon this year? What did you do instead? OR: What awesome things are you going to do this summer? Tell us all about it!

It’s a longstanding tradition for me to grouse about how much fun other people are having at RollerCon. What Happens In Vegas leaks out all over your stupid Facebook feed. Maybe a better person would be happy for their friends, but not me! I’m a regular, jealous person who’s greedy for fun.

So.

Not all of us are going to RollerCon.  Show us how much fun you’re having at NOT RollerCon, and you could win a super cool prize!

The Rules

Send me a picture of you having an awesome time anywhere other than RollerCon. Email to frisky.sour at gmail, or tweet @littleanecdote. Enter by 5pm Pacific on Tuesday, July 29th.

I’ll share the best ones*, and we’ll all feel better about our life choices.

Best picture gets a prize! I choose under my own iron rule. Maybe I’ll even choose more than one winner, if I’m feeling generous.

No nudes.

The Prize

Your choice of:

Some of us enjoy simpler pleasures.

Some of us enjoy simpler pleasures.

*So, if you enter, you’re giving me permission to share your pictures, but they’re still yours and you own them. Let me know if you how you want to be attributed.

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