Welcome once again to the Frisky Power Rankings, where I rank women’s flat track roller derby according to my whims/in-depth knowledge.
*Liz Lemon voice* THINGS ARE HAPPENING. 2015 looks like it’s going to be a very fun year, with so many new faces and changes and transfers and crazy things happening. And The Big O is about to happen. It makes things very hard to predict, especially this early in the season, but I’m not afraid to look like a jerk. I do this all for you.
This month, I’d like to re-iterate that POWER includes momentum and expectations. For rankings that are purely based on past performance, we have WFTDA and Flat Track Stats and any number of other math-based rankings. Frisky Power Rankings are based on my gut, feelings, and as above, whims.
1. Rose City Rollers. The team has lots of power, but their coach could use some extra if you have any to spare.
2. Cute Baby Animals. It is spring, after all.
3. Gotham. They’ll play Rocky Mountain this month. Sweeeeet. First “look” at the new lineup.
4. Texas. HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THE TEAMS GOING TO THE BIG O
5. Bay Area Derby. I AM GETTING THE VAPORS
6. Denver. IT IS GOING TO BE INCREDIBLE
7. Victoria. WHY DOES MY HUSBAND WORK THIS WEEKEND
8. Philly. OH YEAH BECAUSE HE’S A SUCCESSFUL MUSICIAN
9. Angel City. I GUESS THAT’S FINE BUT SOMETIMES IT’S LIKE UGH
10. Atlanta. CAN’T A LADY JUST DRIVE TWO HOURS FOR SOME TOP-NOTCH ROLLER DERBY
11. Boston. WITHOUT A TODDLER BECAUSE COME ON
12. Coffee. Nothing, I’m just having a really good coffee right now.
13. London. Dropped down because everyone above is going to The Big O and gaining so much power from it.
14. Minnesota. Holy crap, they beat Windy not just by a jam or two, but 283-78.
15. Arch Rival. Strong results from Skate to Thrill. Will we see something similar when they play Team United this weekend?
16. Jacksonville. They beat Atlanta in March, but ugh, this is hard, leave me alone (never leave me).
17. Sun State. I know you’re far away, but ya gotta play games to keep up the power. When’s your next game, anyway?
18. Windy City. It’s early in the season yet, but a big loss to Minny means a big loss in the rankings.
19. Rocky Mountain. May is going to be telling. VERY TELLING.
20. Team United. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Are we using “TURD” or what? It must be what they wanted.
21. Montreal. Who is this “new addition” to the PBR lineup? This is one problem with being a nearsighted derby fan – I have no idea what skaters actually look like.
22. Detroit. Putting up big numbers, but haven’t put away any big players yet.
23. Dallas. Sames.
This was NOT boring this month. I can only imagine what next month will look like, with most WFTDA teams starting their seasons in earnest.
What do you think? Who has power?