Welcome once again to the Frisky Power Rankings, where I rank women’s flat track roller derby according to my whims/in-depth knowledge.
Oh, wait, no games have happened in forever, and I’m tired of making the same jokes.
So, this month we are ranking….Girl Scout cookies. Because this is my website and I was a Girl Scout, and they’re awesome, and I like cookies. COME AT ME. Or just look at last month’s power rankings, geez. We’ll get back to our regularly-scheduled roller derby rankings in April.
- Samoas. Is this even a question?
- Thin Mints. Pop a box in the freezer, enjoy them all weekend long. (That’s a joke about how a box of cookies only lasts two days in my house. Because of me.)
- Trefoils. Ah, the simplicity of a shortbread cookie, and the mild unease of eating a shortbread cookie that’s not actually made from butter!
- Tagalongs. Peanut butter and chocolate. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Thanks-A-Lot. Sandwich cookie. Classic. Actually, I really want some of these now. FIRE UP THE COOKIE FINDER.
- Lemonades. Tasty if you’re in the mood for that kind of thing. Lemon cookies make me think of being in a meeting I’d prefer not to attend, with cookies I wouldn’t have picked out myself.
- Do-Si-Dos. Obviously the lesser of the peanut butter flavors.
- Toffee-Tastic. Thanks, Grandma, these are pretty good! No, I think I’ll just have these two.
- Savannah Smiles. You eat these lemony puffy cookies with powdered sugar at a meeting, and they’re not even that good, AND you have powdered sugar all over your shirt all day.
File under: They Didn’t Have These While I Was a Kid?
- Cranberry Citrus Crisps. I get it. I do. Okay.
- Rah-Rah Raisins. Greek yogurt-flavored chunks? No one cheers for raisins. *eyes darting*
- Trios. Gluten-free, huh?
What do you think? You think you know better than me? Did you ever sell cookies outside the Fred Meyer and have dozens of women tell you they were on a diet? Do you ever wonder what that kind of messaging does to a 10-year-old girl? Discuss!