Welcome once again to the Frisky Power Rankings, where I rank women’s flat track roller derby according to my whims/in-depth knowledge.
We skipped January because…nothing happened. And I forgot about it. So: Welcome to 2014! We’re in the doldrums of the year in weather and in roller derby. Most top-25 teams are just now starting to shake off their 2013 rust and get back into training. Nothing exciting has really happened yet. Nothing exciting is about to happen. Am I enticing you to keep reading?
- Gotham. Probably still good.
- Texas. Sames.
- Bay Area Derby. Are they still doing drinking season? Or did that end about the same time minors did?
- Everyone else.
- Denver. Mountain air. Good for lungs. (imagine me hitting myself in the chest with a closed fist)
- Windy City. Will the polar vortex suck the life out of everyone who lives in this city? Figuratively?
- Cute animals holding hands/paws.
- Atlanta. You’re on our radar now, Atlanta. You’re not gonna sneak up on anyone this year.
- Angel City. Sames.
- London. Added Juke Boxx. One person doesn’t make a team, but they can make a difference.
- Flowers. I like lilies and spider mums. Someone jab my husband in arm and clear your throat while pointing to this.
- Philly. You are Philly, and Philly is always pretty good.
- Rocky Mountain. Mountain air. Good for constitution. (imagine me trying to touch my toes, failing, laughing awkwardly)
- Rose City. I like them. I am biased.
- Rat City. Flipping over police cars in Super Bowl riots is great cross training.
- Victoria. Little Derby Fest boost.
- Ohio. From what I understand, a short lineup is losing a lot of key skaters.
- Minnesota. Lost Juke Boxx. See above.
- Roller derby trips to Washington and Colorado. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- Oly. Blonde N Bitchin is back! How about that?
What do you think?