Welcome once again to the Frisky Power Rankings, where I rank women’s flat track roller derby according to my whims/in-depth knowledge.
- Gotham. How cute was it with all those people at the London game gushing over Gotham? They are amazing, I know! I’m sorry you had to wait that long to see it in person!
- Ice cream. Not number one because sometimes you’re trying to scoop some out of the carton and it goes flying on to the front of your cute dress (not that this happened to me yesterday or anything).
- Bay Area Derby. We don’t out TOO much stock in RollerCon results, but looking good.
- Texas. Drop below BAD. They beat Denver by a little. BAD beat Denver by a lot.
- Everyone else.
- Rose City. Oh, nothing, just bopped on down to L.A. and beat Angel City and Minnesota. Is that hard? (Checks fingernails, whistles)
- Minnesota. Beat Angel on their own turf! Ladies! I am impressed!
- Angel City. Damn, those were some close and fun games. More like that, please.
- London. Came up against a machine called Gotham, did about as well as most would expect.
- Denver. Once again, we don’t put too much stock in RollerCon results, but they beat the teams they were supposed to beat.
- Windy City. Beat Montreal. Cool.
- Victoria. No games in July, but we won’t blame them for that. They’re kind of far away.
- Actual mountains. Ah, crisp air! Deep blue lakes! Let’s go camping, guys.
- Rocky Mountain. Maybe looking a little sharper? Good time of the year to start moving toward your peak, if so.
- Philly. No games in July, but we won’t blame them for that. ECDX is Kind of a Big Deal.
- Atlanta. Solid result against Naptown, yep yep, this all checks out.
- Jacksonville. Beating other Florida teams, yep, you bet.
- Charm City. Wins over Suburbia and Toronto, okay, that’s cool, I gotcha.
- Rat City. I was going to say some mean stuff about how Rose is going to beat them soooo bad later this month but maybe I’ll just do a virtual handshake and say may the best team win. I’m from Portland; I have Feelings about Seattle.
- Terminal City. Okay, next month it might be Montreal or Ohio, so keep up the good work.
Oly is off the list for not going to a WFTDA tournament. No tournament, no power.
AAAHH ONLY ONE MORE MONTH UNTIL TOURNAMENT SEASON STARTS
What do you think?
Hey, internet buddy! Please consider giving some power to Team L0bster by joining the team, rocking the t-shirt, or getting a necklace. I mean, it won’t turn you into Mutch Mayhem or Scald Eagle, but at least you’ll look good.
Screw you, cancer, seriously.